The Asian-American Experience of Grief: Balancing Culture, Tradition, and Healing
Grief is one of the most universal human experiences, yet how we process it is deeply shaped by culture.
In many Asian communities, grief is often carried in silence, wrapped in expectations of strength, duty, and quiet endurance.
The unspoken rule? Hold it together for the family, for the community, for the next generation.
While grief is often associated with death, we can experience it regarding much broader circumstances, too. We can feel loss around dreams, futures, hopes, objects, places, and memories. We can grieve who we once were, simply due to the passage of time.
But grief doesn’t disappear just because we push it aside. It can linger, waiting to be acknowledged, understood, and ultimately, healed.
In this article, we hope to help soothe the taboos around grief by diving more deeply into its many forms and exploring the different ways we can feel it and heal it.
What is grief?
Grief is the deep sorrow and emotional suffering experienced after a loss, typically the death of a loved one. It can also arise from other significant life changes, like the loss of a relationship, job, or way of life.
We often think of grief as something that manifests emotionally, but it can also rear its head in your physical and mental wellbeing.The feelings of sadness, longing, anger, confusion, and even relief that can come with it can also translate to perplexing physiological symptoms, too. It is a deeply personal process that varies from person to person and culture to culture.
While painful, grief serves several important psychological and emotional functions. The purpose of grief is to help us process and adapt to loss, and when we see it in this way, we can understand it not as something to shy away from or shut down, but rather to lean into in order to allow ourselves to feel fully. One way to view that grief is as a reflection of love and attachment. It acknowledges the significance of what (or who) has been lost. It also allows us to fully experience and express difficult emotions rather than suppressing them, which can aid long-term healing.
By going through the grieving process, we are better able to gradually adjust to a new reality without the person or thing we’ve lost. Over time, it reshapes our relationship with the past and allows us to move forward while still holding onto memories.
The silent weight of grief in Asian culture
For many of us raised in Asian households, grief is something to be managed, not openly expressed. Mourning traditions exist—ancestral rituals, prayer ceremonies, memorial offerings—but the emotions themselves often remain locked away. The phrase "stay strong for the family" is not just encouragement, it’s an expectation. Crying too much, talking about death openly, or seeking professional help may be seen as burdensome, unnecessary, or even taboo.
This silence around grief often stems from a mix of cultural values:
Filial piety and duty: The need to put family first and avoid "bringing shame" through public displays of distress.
Stoicism and resilience: The belief that emotional endurance is a form of strength.
Spiritual and ancestral beliefs: A focus on honoring the deceased rather than dwelling on personal pain.
While these values are deeply meaningful, they can also make it harder for individuals to fully process loss, leading to prolonged grief, emotional suppression, and even physical health struggles.
Spiritual views on death and dying in Asian cultures
When our grief is related to someone’s passing, we can sometimes find solace or comfort in knowing that we are not alone in this experience – we will all, at some point, go through this.
Additionally, in many Asian cultures, death is not seen as an end but as a transition. Spiritual beliefs play a profound role in shaping how grief is understood and processed.
Death in Buddhism
Buddhism teaches the concept of impermanence, emphasizing that life and death are part of a continuous cycle. Mourning is often accompanied by prayers, chanting, and merit-making activities to support the deceased in their next journey.
Death in Hinduism
Hinduism views death as a passage to reincarnation, with cremation being a vital ritual that releases the soul from the body. Mourning periods are observed, with family members performing rites to ensure the deceased’s peaceful transition.
Death in Taoism & Confucianism
Taoism and Confucianism emphasize ancestor veneration, where maintaining a connection with deceased loved ones through offerings, prayers, and festivals like Qingming ensures harmony between the living and the dead.
Death in Chinese Culture
Chinese folk beliefs include customs such as burning joss paper and preparing food offerings, showing that even in grief, there is a way to care for those who have passed.
These perspectives offer comfort to many grieving individuals, reinforcing that death is not final but a continuation of existence in another form. However, they can also create pressure to follow prescribed mourning practices, making personal grieving processes more complex.
How to honors both tradition and healing when grieving
Healing from grief doesn’t have to mean rejecting your cultural values—you can find `ways to honor both your heritage and your emotional well-being. Here are some suggestions to help process grief while staying connected to your roots:
Allow yourself to feel without guilt
Grief is not weakness. If you feel numb, angry, lost, or exhausted, these emotions all make sense in the context and are valid for you to feel. There is no "right way" to grieve, no timeline you need to follow. Give yourself permission to mourn, even if others around you do not express their grief in the same way.
Create personal rituals of remembrance
If speaking openly about grief feels difficult, channel it into quiet acts of remembrance:
Light a candle or incense in their honor.
Cook their favorite meal and share it with loved ones.
Write letters to them, expressing thoughts you never got to say.
Visit a meaningful place and spend time in reflection.
These rituals, big or small, can provide a sense of connection and comfort.
Talk about your loss—In your own way
Sharing grief does not have to mean public displays of emotion. It can be small, intimate conversations with a trusted friend, a journal entry, or even a quiet moment of acknowledgment with yourself. If family members struggle to talk about loss, try gentle approaches:
Ask elders to share stories about the loved one who passed.
Express your own feelings subtly, through art, music, or writing.
If therapy feels inaccessible, consider community spaces, faith groups, or online grief forums where you can find support.
Balance collective and personal healing
Asian cultures often emphasize collective mourning—gathering as a family, observing traditional mourning periods, and participating in ceremonies. These traditions provide structure and community support, but it’s also important to find personal ways to grieve. Balance both by:
Participating in family rituals while also carving out personal reflection time.
Setting boundaries if community expectations feel overwhelming.
Seeking out spaces where your grief is fully seen and validated.
Recognize that healing takes many forms
Grief does not go away—it transforms. Some days will be heavy, others lighter. Healing might come through spiritual practices, therapy, time spent with supportive friends, or even unexpected moments of laughter and joy. However your grief unfolds, let it be yours.
A message to those carrying grief
If you are grieving and feel like you must do so in silence, know this: You do not have to carry it alone. Your pain is not a burden, and your emotions are not a weakness. Grief is love’s echo, a testament to the bonds that time and distance cannot erase.
Honoring loss doesn’t have tot mean sacrificing your own well-being. It is possible to respect tradition while also allowing yourself the space to heal in your own way. And in that space, may you find moments of peace, comfort, and connection—not just to those you have lost, but to yourself as well.
Our team at Anise Health would enjoy the chance to connect with you. If you’d like to meet with one of our therapists, complete this simple intake form and you’ll be matched to a culturally-informed provider within 2 business days.
